A Tisket, A Tasket, Hiding in my Basket

Oh hey there. Me again. Remember that one time a few months ago when I told you about all the fun things I'd write about on my next blog post and then I never posted again? Yeah, me too. Sorry 'bout that.

Instead of boring you with a list of (pretend) high-pitched excuses of "Oh, I've just been so busy with this and that;". I'll attempt to be as straightforward with you as possible and catch you up on a few life events since I wrote last. Sound good? Gravy.

Life Events:  

• December 24, 2018: Got engaged! Remember Matt? When I had my first seizure and he showed up after I got loaded in the ambulance, then I immediately burst into tears because I could finally let my guard down-- that guy? Yeah! He's the one! We were enjoying Christmas with his family in Branson when he popped the question after the tree lighting ceremony at this picturesque little scene:

• January 3, 2019: Got my license back! It's really quite the long story which I will tell you all about at a later date. 

• January 30, 2019: Submitted a letter of resignation from my job as Family & Consumer Sciences Extension Agent in Coffey County. That's another long story.
• April 20, 2019: My last day of work (on paper); which also means it's my last day for health insurance on the employer's dollar and I only get one more paycheck! From now on, I'll still have health insurance- I just get to pay for it on my own. Yaaaaay.
• June 22, 2019: Wedding day! I'm Mrs. Moon now, ya'll. 

• August 1, 2019: I attend a program at the Lebo branch library called "Living a Healthy life with Chronic Conditions" put on by our local health department. It's eye-opening in many ways as to how normal my life looks on the outside (I can drive, take care of myself, cook, exercise, et cetera ) yet makes me realize that epilepsy is still a very real part of my life on the inside. 

Read on...

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So why am I writing after several months of silence? For those of you that have followed my blog since the beginning may remember my first post where I addressed this same issue (read it here); quoting the wonderful genius Brene Brown. She says "If you own your story, you can write the ending; if you deny the story, the story owns you."  This quote has been on my mind a lot lately; especially after doing some reading for the aforementioned reality-slap-in-the-face program "Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions" I attended. Here's a snippet of reading from our book that accompanied our first session:

Same Disease, Different Response

Arthur is 55 and has severe arthritis. He took early retirement because of his arthritis. He struggles with chronic pain and has trouble sleeping. Now that he's retired, he sits at home bored most of the time. He avoids physical activity because of the uncomfortable side effects that come with it. Most people don't enjoy his company. He loves his grandchildren but it just seems like too much trouble for them to come visit.

Isabel is 66 and also has severe arthritis. Every day she makes it a point to get out and walk several blocks to the park or library. When her pain is severe, she uses relaxation techniques to manage it. She volunteers several hours per week at a hospital and also cares for her grandchildren when their mom is out running errands. Her husband is amazed at how much zest she has for life.

paraphrased from Lorig et al., 2012

Analysis

Arthur and Isabel have the same condition, with similar physical problems. Yet they each manage the condition and live their lives quite differently. Arthur has allowed his arthritis to take over his life and physical abilities. Isabel takes an active role in managing her arthritis. "Even though she has limitations, she controls her life instead of letting the illness control it" (Lorig et al., 2012). Sounds a lot like what our friend and hero Brene Brown was saying, doesn't it? The bottom line is- attitude is everything. "What goes on in a person's mind is at least as important as what is going on in the person's body" (Lorig et al., 2012).

Let's talk about this for just a hot second. I think it's important to note here that emotional problems are incredibly common with chronic conditions. There's a table in our book listing each common condition (i.e. diabetes, depression, asthma...) and possible problems caused by the condition (i.e. pain, fatigue...). Difficult emotions accompanied all but one of the common conditions listed.. So in 20/21 (let's say a vast majority of) chronic conditions, one can expect to have some troublesome emotions arise. 

Another interesting fact about chronic conditions? Symptoms are often part of a vicious cycle that feed off of one another. For example- physical limitations and pain often trigger stress and anxiety. Stress/anxiety bring on more difficult emotions over time, which can lead to depression. Depression comes with physical symptoms as well such as shortness of breath, fatigue and poor sleep. These physical symptoms only worsen the physical limitations of the preexisting chronic condition; thus creating a vicious cycle.

Why is this so hard? Well, as we discussed above- it's hard to break a vicious cycle. Chronic illnesses are much different from acute ailments like the cold, flu or chicken pox. When you come down with "a bug" It's usually rapid, easily diagnosable, treatable and short-lived. Not so much with chronic conditions. They come on slowly, root cause is uncertain, sometimes take a long time to diagnose let alone treat (if there is a treatment), and usually last for life. When you stop and think about waking up with this (pain/fear/mobility issue) for the rest of your life; it's, well, pretty bleak.

Thus, yours truly doesn't reeeally enjoy sitting down and thinking about her epilepsy all too often. (After all, stuffing down and ignoring emotions is the American way!) It makes me feel vulnerable, scared, sad, helpless, hopeless, frustrated and everything in between. Yet I know that deep down in there somewhere there's a part of me that needs to sit down and write the words and feel the feelings. 

While, it's not easy for me to talk about or even write about this Epi(lepti)c Life; it's also not an excuse for my prolonged silence on this blog, or you know, being a homebody. 😉 But it is the honest truth. 

This seal and I relate on so many levels

Thanks for being patient and going on this journey with me. Feel free to give me a little nudge every now and then if it seems I am hiding in my basket too much.

References

Lorig, K., Holman, H., Sobel, D. S., Laurent, D., Gonzalez, V., & Minor, M. (2012). Living a healthy life with chronic conditions: Self-management of heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, depression, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema and other physical and mental health conditions (4th ed.). Boulder, CO: Bull Publishing Company.